Evaluate Your Life: How are You Really Living?

By Esther | October 9th 2020 | Life and Purpose, Transformation and Spirituality, Wellness and Recovery, Self-Care Series

It is part of life for us to go through difficult and painful life experiences. But how do we live through and after that? In what way do we allow those experiences to define how we live our lives?

I had a juicy conversation with a friend that I met at a Lisa Nichols event, Jennifer Bichanich, and we talked about the experience of loss and how life is thereafter. In our discussion, we recognized that loss can be different to each and everyone but the experience, the struggle, and the lessons, especially on how to live life afterward, are similar.

Loss is defined as the state of no longer having something. It can relate to work, relationships, opportunities, or even life. Mostly, it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things.

One of the things that we learn from loss is the fact that we are so impacted by it means we valued what we lost. We also find something thereafter. And despite everything, God has not stopped loving us.

So how do you evaluate your life and live it after a loss?

From search and recovery to search and discovery.

Even if you couldn’t feel the Love of God right now, even if things feel so dark, know deep in your heart that God still loved you and that there are brighter days ahead. Little by little the light will start coming back into your life.

It is essential to find a mentor, a coach, or a community. You need somebody around you that can see the vision for you, which you may not know yet, but God does, and He has already prepared it for you.

With someone guiding you, take your time and go through your process of recovery and healing. When you do, you will slowly uncover what the situation is trying to teach you so can walk and live in your purpose.

Honor your grief and express it.

There’s a blessing in grief. You just have to be open to receiving them. God said, “I will give you beautiful ashes.” And He means it.

I understand that there are times when it’s hard for us to see the blessing in grief, especially when we are presently experiencing it. When we go from search and recovery to search and discovery, you begin to get on that road to discovering who you are and your next purpose.

The scripture says, “God works things out for our good,” and I like to say the good, the bad, and the ugly. Only He can do it. Only God can work things out for us.

Your seasons of purpose are meant to teach you what you need to do.

You are not alone.

In examining your situation, yourself, and your purpose you begin to realize that it’s not just you, that you are not alone in this. Other people have gone through the same situation that you are going through. That should give you hope and inspiration and you are able to see what happened in their journey and how they have grown.

The journey is different for everyone but there’s still this understanding of going through the same life-changing event.

Many of us have experienced and are experiencing loss in different areas of our lives. There will always be death to the light as we know it. Even when we return to where we were in, we’re not going back to the life that we had before.

How can you move forward and deal with that?

Speak to your situation.

We have said that getting from recovery to discovery requires us to take the journey to discover our next purpose. The first thing you have to do to go from recovery to discovery is to speak to your grief, to your hurt, or to your situation. You need to try to ask the question and understand what your situation is trying to teach you.

Be gentle with yourself. Whatever situation you are going through and whatever you think you are experiencing has a reason or else it would not be a part of your life. We need to watch the words that we speak to ourselves. We need to love ourselves as we are.

God loves us exactly as we are. He is not asking us to fix anything about ourselves. He created us and He says that we are perfect just the way we are. Of course, there are things we have to work on, but God still loves us just the way we are.

And that makes it even more important to speak to your situation. Because what we think about, we talk about. And what we talk about, we bring about. What you speak into the atmosphere is exactly what you’re going to bring into your life.

If you speak negative things, half-empty words, or harsh, hurtful words, those are exactly what you bring about in your life.

Live by design.

Looking into that you will get to understand whether you are living by default or by design. From the day we were born, even from the very conception, God designed our lives for us. We were not an accident or a mistake. God created us by design. Even in your mother’s womb, He knew you.

So, you need to make the decision of whether you want to live your life by default or by design. But this is not a one and done deal. You may live your life by design but there will definitely be moments when you will be in default when you are not in intention.

Healing is a process.

That is when we’re beginning to heal. Healing is a process. There may be things that happened a long time ago that you’re still healing from to this day. It goes back to your subconscious or even that inner child. Anything outside of that, you will go into a state of fear.

We remember the familiar comforts of pain and hurt, and for some of us, it may be a safe space to know the unknown. The pain of losing a loved one, for example, can also be an emotion that is comforting because we get to spend it in memory of the one we love.

But switch that up to remember the life instead of the death. Cherish your loved ones and be grateful for the times that you spent with them. Cherish your life and be grateful for the things that are happening in your life so you can live by design.

Be grateful for the little things.

Being grateful is part of living by design. But how can you work out gratefulness in the midst of the pain and suffering and the difficulties you are in?

Pray and think about the little things that you can be grateful for. You may not see how you can be grateful for the situation that you are in right now, but starting with the little things allows you to see that despite everything, you are still blessed.

Face your fears so you learn how to live.

Fear is an obstacle that stops us from pursuing our dreams and living our best life. When you acknowledge that it is an obstacle, then you can begin to really live out your life.

As you face your fears the first thing that you have to do is celebrate YOU. Because anything that is celebrated is repeated. Celebrate even the times when you made a mistake because the mistakes that you made have helped you grow.

You need to serve yourself to begin healing.

Take action.

Faith is a verb, and a verb is an action word. Move from where you are to where you want to be, and it starts with some level of action. It does not matter what age you are or whatever circumstance you are in when God knocks on your door, He just wants you to step through the door.

Change is non-negotiable. If you’re not changing then you’re static and you’re not moving. That is probably one of the worst things that you can do is be stagnant and not moving.

Be in the mindset of non-negotiability, of no-matter-what. Make a decision of having non-negotiables and doing the things that you need to be doing in your life no matter what.

You are going to have those times of fear and those moments of default, but as long as you keep moving you give yourself grace and ease. It is dysfunctional not to move right or not to grow.

Final Words

Experiencing loss catapults you to a different level in your life. You do not step into your gifts until something’s happened. Healing is living by design .

When you experience a loss, your life will never be the same. It is forever changed. But what matters now is what you choose after that loss. How do you live your new life? Do you want to live it bound by your pain and anger or do you want to live an abundant life?

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